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Mar. 3rd, 2004 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mojocattIt seems that with al this wonderful life saving technology we have completely lost the part about the role death plays in a good life. As they continue to try to convince old grandma to choose open heart surgery.
My Grandfather would always tell me that he hopes to die out in the woods, and that we should just leave him there. His second option was that we should toss him in the swamp. That never quite hit me until I was about 16 and could understand dignity in death. Of course he passed away in a hospital in St. Cloud and had a proper funeral and burial. But he was never embalmed, grandma made that choice at that time. To leave him completely natural, no embalming, no make up. Just a nice suit and his hair arranged nicely. He looked like hell, there was much negative reaction, but Grandma just brushed it all off. Her opinion was that he was dead, and you might as well look dead, no sense in make up and preservatives. I though this to be wise, as taking the time and effort to preserve and put make up on a dead person is pure folly. The grimness of his dead shell hit me like a brick in the face, it was clear that was merely the shell of the man who was. No smile, no folly and no priest. The service was given by the family itself, I gave the eulogy myself and I helped carry him to his grave.
My grandmother is thinking along the same lines. Let nature do what it will, face death as a part of life. I could tell she was frightened by all the crazy shit the doctors were telling her, but she kept that brave face on as one or two tears escaped. I have never seen fear in this woman of iron, but I could also see the bravery and dignity, and even humor as we laughed about some of the things I remember about her husband, my grandfather. I had half a mind to tell the doctors and nurses to shut the fuck up, but they were only doing what they thought was best.
The good news is these days no one can force you to have a medical procedure. She made her wishes clear in the presence of the nurse, doctors, myself and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
boffy. So unless she changes her mind, the course of non-action is set in store as far as I am concerned. The other good news is that heart failure is completely painless. You faint and die in a state of sleep, you just kinda slip off like you are about to take a nap.
My mother was damn near hysterical when talking to me on the phone about the course of non-action. What do we do? What are we going to do? My reply was simple, nothing, we do nothing. We can't do anything, because she said so. We just bring her home, make her comfortable as possble and love her to the end. Frankly this was not the answer my mother was looking for, but the way it has to be. I think she was expecting me to "talk some sense into her". Heh, she has got 55 years seniority on me, I judge her to be the wiser of the two of us.
Of course she could also recover on her own. She has climbed out of her own deathbed once before with the same issue and a stroke thrown in for good measure....one tough ol bird I tell ya. The Polish, Russians and Ukrainians may have a reputation for not being the most intelligent folks around (an unfounded prejudgment, but makes for good jokes), but dear god are they tough, tough as fucking nails.
So here I am, at work surrounded by idiots, pondering about the mysteries of life.
My Grandfather would always tell me that he hopes to die out in the woods, and that we should just leave him there. His second option was that we should toss him in the swamp. That never quite hit me until I was about 16 and could understand dignity in death. Of course he passed away in a hospital in St. Cloud and had a proper funeral and burial. But he was never embalmed, grandma made that choice at that time. To leave him completely natural, no embalming, no make up. Just a nice suit and his hair arranged nicely. He looked like hell, there was much negative reaction, but Grandma just brushed it all off. Her opinion was that he was dead, and you might as well look dead, no sense in make up and preservatives. I though this to be wise, as taking the time and effort to preserve and put make up on a dead person is pure folly. The grimness of his dead shell hit me like a brick in the face, it was clear that was merely the shell of the man who was. No smile, no folly and no priest. The service was given by the family itself, I gave the eulogy myself and I helped carry him to his grave.
My grandmother is thinking along the same lines. Let nature do what it will, face death as a part of life. I could tell she was frightened by all the crazy shit the doctors were telling her, but she kept that brave face on as one or two tears escaped. I have never seen fear in this woman of iron, but I could also see the bravery and dignity, and even humor as we laughed about some of the things I remember about her husband, my grandfather. I had half a mind to tell the doctors and nurses to shut the fuck up, but they were only doing what they thought was best.
The good news is these days no one can force you to have a medical procedure. She made her wishes clear in the presence of the nurse, doctors, myself and
boffy. So unless she changes her mind, the course of non-action is set in store as far as I am concerned. The other good news is that heart failure is completely painless. You faint and die in a state of sleep, you just kinda slip off like you are about to take a nap.My mother was damn near hysterical when talking to me on the phone about the course of non-action. What do we do? What are we going to do? My reply was simple, nothing, we do nothing. We can't do anything, because she said so. We just bring her home, make her comfortable as possble and love her to the end. Frankly this was not the answer my mother was looking for, but the way it has to be. I think she was expecting me to "talk some sense into her". Heh, she has got 55 years seniority on me, I judge her to be the wiser of the two of us.
Of course she could also recover on her own. She has climbed out of her own deathbed once before with the same issue and a stroke thrown in for good measure....one tough ol bird I tell ya. The Polish, Russians and Ukrainians may have a reputation for not being the most intelligent folks around (an unfounded prejudgment, but makes for good jokes), but dear god are they tough, tough as fucking nails.
So here I am, at work surrounded by idiots, pondering about the mysteries of life.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Just a thought
Date: 2004-03-03 10:22 am (UTC)Sad and scary situation. Sad for everyone, scary to think that someone might be able to go over her head and extend her "life" against her will. :/
Re: Just a thought
Date: 2004-03-03 10:31 am (UTC)Re: Just a thought
Date: 2004-03-03 10:42 am (UTC)Hook up with the hospital social worker, ask about hospice care, they can make sure she is comfortable, and has everything she needs (this is what I did for my internship by the way)...
Make sure she has a DNR order signed and on record at the hospital. If no one is around to tell them what to do AT THE TIME of something unfortunate, KNOWING her wishing is one thing... having the paperwork to back them up legally is what they are going to go by.
My thoughts are with you and your family.. I wish the best for your grandma. I cannot imagine...
Re: Just a thought
Date: 2004-03-03 10:46 am (UTC)Re: Just a thought
Date: 2004-03-03 11:07 am (UTC)