Oh my f'ing god.

[mojocatt]

So last summer I was the photographer at a wedding of a co-worker. Anyways, I left the party at like 6:30pm or so, had other plans for the evening.

The next Monday the stories begin to surface of the events of the evening. Anyways, some dudes girlfriend get absolutly shit-faced drunk. Skinny dipping is had, and so is most of the second shift, by her. Tales that would make Larry Flint blush like red ballon.

Skip to 11:00am 02/18/2004, Minneapolis, MN. Customer presentation by MJC, VIP people fill the conference room. And there she is, the girlfriend who.....Oh my f'ing god. ....I hope she does not remember me...She remembers me at almost the same time and her face goes absolutly red. I am absolutly ready to make absolutly no mention of what I know.

I give my presentation and we begin the factory tour. Just my luck, out of three group, she is in my group. The odds were 66.6% in my favor of this not being so, but there she was.

We began the tour, I am attempting to explain various aspects of the process, while she is talking in one of my ears about what I know about that summer evening. What tales have made it to my ears.

Okay, you all know me as a complete clown, horny 24/7 and all that. But when I am down with my customers, I am all business, professional, well dressed and expert in all areas of our product. But while I am attempting to give a tour, she is asking me questions on the sly, whispered to me about what I know about her night of drunken group sex.

How am I going to handle this....how am I going to handle this...how am I going to handle this....Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. How do you reassure someone about a regretted drunken evening and remain cool and professional?

I finally caved in and wispered, "I know everything, but don't worry I am a gentleman, no one will ever know you were here and I have no reason to prejudge you on second hand stories". This relieved her quite a bit.

And I won't talk, except here. I had to spill my brains out somewhere on this issue.

But dear lord, talk about tap dancing...and I was never more involved in that summer evening than meeting her hours before it all went down.

After the customers left, my great grandboss said I looked like I was "swimming in thought". He asked me if it was about some guy who wanted to market a reinforced product as "Kevlar" and / or bullet proof and wanted me to say so (of course I did not, duh, because the product contains no Kevlar and is not bulletproof, duh). I said yes, thats it, thats exactly what is on my mind. What is really going through my mind is, You handled that quite well, Mr. Mojocatt, quite well, you deserve a beer tonight.