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Captain Jean-Luc Picard is an asshole.

Why?

That is clearly a red uniform, yet not only does he live through the entire first episode, he lives through the entire fucking series. It takes a real asshole to wear the red and not be consumed by the giant starship eating ice cream cone rather than those wearing blue or gold. You are supposed to lie down and die at the first life threatening encounter, that's how it works for the red shirts, that's how it always works.

But what about Scotty? Scotty wore the red. But Scotty was probably drunk, and stumbled his way out of the claws of death, but it still it makes Chief Engineer Scott an asshole too.

But not as much of an asshole as Captain Picard. Why? Because Picard drinks too much fucking tea. Scotty drank gallons of Green Scotch daily, and kept the warp drive cooking, and probally sodomized tribbles all at the same time. You have to give points for that.

Also need to give points for knowing how to sodomize a tribble....anyways.

Why does too much tea make you an asshole?

Because I say it does. Close subject.

He even refused to get knocked off by the Borg. They installed a digital alarm clock / laser cat toy into his temple, and presumably some sort of anal probe that made more tea out thin air.
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