Dec. 16th, 2010

mojocatt: (Default)
Star Trek The Motion Picture popped up in the Netflix for the Wii this week. I've not seen it since 1985 or something like that. I remembered it sucked compared to the Wrath of Khan.

But you know, it's been a long time and maybe my opinion will change.

My opinion did change; it has been upgraded from 'sucks' to 'awful but tolerable'.

It's quite obvious they put eye candy above story.

V'ger was first detected in Klingon space, heading for Federation space, looking to arrive at Earth in less than a week. At this point the newly refit and bug filled Enterprise is the only starship capable of intercepting V'ger.

The story clearly indicates Federation is staffed by fucking morons. A direct path from Klingon space to Earth and only one ship is available to intercept? The most blood thirsty war like people at that time and not one ship to intercept? Not a very likely story. But it lets them skip over any pesky script writing and get right to the action.

The external camera views were good for a laugh as well. The first such case was when three Klingon D-7 battle cruisers attack V'ger in klingon space. A federation listening post intercepts the Klingon communications and external video of the attack on V'ger. All three Klingon battle cruisers are wiped out by the counter attack by V'ger, totally vaporized, yet there is still an external view. Later the Federation listening post is attacked by V'ger and vaporized into nothing. Again the crew of the Enterprise enjoys the external view. External view from where? The transmitting vessels had been completely vaporized. I'm I expected to believe V'ger can vaporize everything in the universe except video cameras? Video cameras that can transmit a real time signal over thousands of light years all by themselves?

There was an almost complete lack of humor, everyone was dead serious. Star Trek needs humor; to overlook the humor between the characters is a major error for a Star Trek experience.

Shatner was very Shatner even for Shatner. But I don't think you can get enough Shatner. Good God the man can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. This possibly makes up for the lack of humor in the script.

The Starfleet uniforms are awful, the uniforms they used from Wrath of Khan forward are much better. I found the bald chick to be much more attractive than I remember. But I still like to refer to her only as 'the bald chick'.

The overall story idea is good, yet the idea of us knowing about a Voyager probe being sucked into a black hole is ridiculous. How would we know that? Also, the black hole is question would need to be dangerously close to our solar system....

The heroes of our story are real assholes to Captain Decker. Of course the new characters Captain Decker and Bald Chick get traumatized, ass raped, made into robots and eventfully vaporized. I don't understand why they had baby blue uniforms, I think red was the proper color for these new characters.

Although in Wrath of Khan forward everyone wore red, and only handful die. Go figure. I need to expand on this in a second post.

But overall if you just view it as an extension of the television series, it's enjoyable.
mojocatt: (Default)


Captain Jean-Luc Picard is an asshole.

Why?

That is clearly a red uniform, yet not only does he live through the entire first episode, he lives through the entire fucking series. It takes a real asshole to wear the red and not be consumed by the giant starship eating ice cream cone rather than those wearing blue or gold. You are supposed to lie down and die at the first life threatening encounter, that's how it works for the red shirts, that's how it always works.

But what about Scotty? Scotty wore the red. But Scotty was probably drunk, and stumbled his way out of the claws of death, but it still it makes Chief Engineer Scott an asshole too.

But not as much of an asshole as Captain Picard. Why? Because Picard drinks too much fucking tea. Scotty drank gallons of Green Scotch daily, and kept the warp drive cooking, and probally sodomized tribbles all at the same time. You have to give points for that.

Also need to give points for knowing how to sodomize a tribble....anyways.

Why does too much tea make you an asshole?

Because I say it does. Close subject.

He even refused to get knocked off by the Borg. They installed a digital alarm clock / laser cat toy into his temple, and presumably some sort of anal probe that made more tea out thin air.

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